smartcarefulandyou | (no subject)

(no subject)

He said he loves her, last night, and she's been quiet since then. Avoiding him, avoiding Nettie and Lucy, just avoiding.

She keeps turning the words over in her mind, remembering another man's voice saying them, growing angrier, then sadder, then colder, with each tumble of words.

Maria doesn't need feelings to be in the way. Especially ones she doesn't return--won't let herself return.

Leaning against the fence, she lets Jasper draw her attention, watching the way he trains with the newborns in the early desert morning. Nettie and Lucy chat a few feet away, pointing out whichever new lovers they'll take, or whatever, and Maria wishes she hadn't grown so attached to Jasper--not for the first time, either.

But she is attached, fond. She likes the way he listens and does her bidding without an argument. She likes the strength in his arms and the glint in his eyes. His smile is nice. But she doesn't love him.

He pins the newborn beneath him with a knee to their throat, holding for a moment before helping the boy up. She knows he's murmuring encouragements, telling him to pay Maria and the others no mind, to pretend they're not there and keep fighting. She makes them nervous.

"Jasper," Maria murmurs, her head tilting to the side, long hair falling past her shoulder as she moves. "Luchar contra él de nuevo."

They have to learn, even with her there.

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"De nuevo," Jasper says to the newborn, not even questioning the command from Maria. Just doing as instructed, always.

He can tell the boy is nervous, glancing at the three woman, and he knows the boy is distracted by the Nettie and Lucy's low murmurs, by Maria and her focus on the training, too.

Jasper, himself, is trying not to be distracted by Maria and her emotions. She's been cycling through a few since last night. It'd been stupid of him to say anything, he knows, and yet he can't help the way he feels.

He spares a quick glance in her direction before he turns it toward the boy again.

"Ataque."

The boy starts, another glance at Maria, and then comes at him with a renewed purpose. Just to impress her, or Lucy and Nettie. Maybe all three.

She tries to concentrate on the newborn, watching the way he fights with vigor and still can't come close to Jasper's skill.

A plume of pride, the corner of her mouth lifting, as she's distracted by Jasper's fighting instead. It's easy, to be swept up in the way he moves and works with the newborns--even Nettie and Lucy quiet for a moment to watch, as do the other vampires, awaiting their turn.

He could tear them all apart, the ones waiting. And he will, eventually. Not that they know that.

The boy - or young man, rather, with Arturo not being much younger than him - is frustrated when Jasper pins him again; his gaze is angry, nostrils flared, a soft growl erupts from his throat.

He's so eager to impress, to prove himself, and Jasper is quick to send a wave of calm through him before Arturo does something that Jasper will have to tear him apart for.

He drags Arturo to his feet with a hard look, a warning, and then he calls for another newborn: "Cole."

He knows Arturo can take Cole in a fight, and it will hopefully give the boy a boost of needed confidence to better someone in front of their leaders.

He nods his head for the two spare, and his gaze drifts to Maria before letting his feet carry him toward her.

"You're distracting them," he murmurs quietly when he reaches her.

“They need to know how to ignore distractions,” Maria points out, glancing behind Jasper at the two sparring vampires.

They don’t hold her attention long, however. She lets her gaze slide back to Jasper, taking the man before her in.

“And you, mi amante? Am I distracting you? Puedo irme...”

"They'll ignore them in a real fight," Jasper comments instead of answering her question right away. "Right now, they're more concerned with impressing you. The three of you."

He moves to stand next to Maria, turning back to the two sparring, nodding when Arturo pins Cole successfully. The boy would be flushed with pride if he could be when he glances over at where Jasper and Maria stand, then toward Lucy and Nettie, who whisper to each other still.

"Pair off, the rest of you. Keep goin'," he orders, and with the rest of them with their attention elsewhere, his hand drops to his side, fingers brushing Maria's skirt.

"Permanecer. Me gusta tenerte aquí."

She glances down at his fingers, then back up at his face. Studying it, the line of his nose and jaw.

That fondness crackles under her skin again. She sighs.

“Which stand out?” Maria jerks her chin at the sparring vampires. “Any to keep an eye on?”

"Diego and Samuel. They're probably our two fastest, but Nicolas is our strongest," he says, nodding at each as he gives their names.

He feels Lucy's interest peak at the mention of Nicolas' skill and ducks his head to hide his smirk, a little shake of his head.

It doesn't bother him so much anymore with the women taking lovers every so often. Not since Maria took him on as one, anyway.

Maria glances over at Lucy when she starts whispering to Nettie faster—though her eye roll is in good nature.

“Good.” They’ll be useful for the next battle, whatever that is.

Maria pushes away from the fence, looking at the horizon as the sun rises. “Camina conmigo.”

Jasper nods and follows her lead, drifting away from the others.

They'll likely spar for a few more minutes before they've realized Maria and him no longer have an eye on them and then they'll break up, probably move to crowd Nettie and Lucy.

He's suddenly nervous as he walks with Maria, and he doesn't know why. Maybe because of what he'd said? She didn't say anything back, just changed the subject, and she's avoided him since.

"Acerca de anoche," he starts when they've wandered far enough away from the others. "Lo siento?"

He's not, though.

Almost--

it's fine

and almost--

what are you thinking?!

Instead, nodding noncommittally, worrying at her lip with her teeth for a moment. She thinks that he deserves the truth--that she can't love him. That she doesn't want to, it's a slight against the mate she lost.

She can't bear to bare her soul like that.

"You caught me...indefenso." Then, swiftly, to change the subject: "Nettie's going to take some of the newborns to the town nearby this evening. A day trip, she calls it--you're welcome to go, if you want to hunt with them."

“I could stay?”

Unless -

Does she want him to go with Nettie and the others instead of coming to her?

He reaches for her, and then withdraws with a frown.

“I’ll go.”

He’ll hunt, and keep an eye on Nettie and Maria can have her space, if that’s what she wants.

“You can stay—I was just offering.” She frowns, hating how unsure she sounds and feels.

She wants him to stay. She wants him to go. She doesn’t know.

“Nettie could use the help—“ she doesn’t, she’s gotten so much better about not going feral “—but she’d be fine on her own.”

Maria sighs. The confession of his feelings hangs heavily between them and she just wants it gone. Wants things back to normal.

Jasper hadn’t thought his words would cause such an imbalance in her. He feels how unsure she feels, her agitation at it, and feels unsure himself.

His place in the coven is still tenuous, and he knows what happens when a vampire has lost their usefulness or overstepped. He should focus on that and not his feelings.

And yet, he wants her. Every fiber of his being just wants her to take him back to her bed, spend the night and day there.

The silence grows between them with each moment he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say.

He’d been stupid last night? He doesn’t love her? It was said in the moment?

He’s suddenly agitated with the silence - or maybe she is - and he just moves, closing the distance between them, covering her mouth with his to kill the growing awkward moment.

Her hands curl automatically against his jaw, lips parting under his in eager acceptance of his kiss. This makes it easier, to bury the unease of his words under the flare of desire for him.

If she doesn't love him back, he'll pull away from her, won't he? He'll plot against her and she'll be forced to put him down before he does her. She could lie, she could tell him she loves him too, but he'd know she didn't feel it.

Maybe the fondness, the respect she holds, maybe she can rely on that. Maria doesn't want to need anyone, but goddammit, Jasper wheedled his way into her life and she can't imagine winning Monterrey back without him. And it's more than that, even if she doesn't want to dwell on it.

Everything is muddled now, in her mind. This was simpler before. Not for the first time, she wishes life had happened differently.

Her fingers curl into his shirt, pulling him against her, her kisses demanding, sliding her tongue along his, nipping at his bottom lip. Distracting herself as much as she is him.

His mouth trails from hers to her jaw, her neck, sucking lightly on her skin.

He doesn’t care that they’re in the middle of a field, that the others can still see them well enough. It’s not like they don’t know he frequents her bed.

And this is easy. Has always been between the two of them since she first took him. He can feel her desire as surely as his own.

One hand curls into her long dark locks, tilting her head back as his teeth graze her neck, and the other strong at her back, slipping lower and pulling her closer against him.

He’ll get her to forget his stupid words and everything will be normal again.

Edited 2020-09-07 11:31 (UTC)

Lucy and Nettie will never let her forget this, if she lets him take her in the middle of this field, in full view of everyone. Yet he is so distracting.

His body against hers, arm holding her close, his hands tangled in her hair; hers curling against his neck, into his hair.

"Wait," Maria pulls back from him, her hands sliding to his arms, shaking her head. "Not here."

Jasper sighs against her throat before she pulls away.

He doesn't want to wait. He just wants.

"¿Dónde entonces?" he asks, yearning to kiss her again. His hands go to her waist, tightening briefly. "¿Cuando?"

"In a moment," Maria mutters, her hands covering his at her waist, squeezing for a moment before pulling him away. Stepping back, she looks over at the barn where the newborns have broken up, several of them crowding into Lucy and Nettie's space.

There's more of the field beyond them, they could go there. There's the house, her room. The desert stretches past the field, some miles away. She moves, starts walking further through the field, her pace quickening, knowing Jasper will follow.

The weeds and wildflowers grow tall here, tangling in her skirt when she stops, turning around. The farmstead is far beyond them now and as soon as Jasper steps to her side, her hand closes around his shoulder, tugging him down, kissing him again, harder this time.

Jasper feels more lighthearted as he follows her, as he always does when he realizes that Maria wants him. That she’s as eager as he is in this.

She’s hard to read, always a knot of conflicting emotions to him, and he worries that maybe he goes too far, needs or wants her too much. But now, like this, he feels certain enough that he doesn’t.

He’s grinning as she leads him into the tangle of high weeds and grasses, when she turns to him and tugs him into another kiss.

His arms immediately go around her waist, pulling her close as he kisses her back.

He’s always so eager, his emotions bleeding out, giving the air a sharp tinge around them, and she forgets why she was upset in the first place.

Instead it’s just the feel of his arms around her, his mouth on hers, his scent filling her nose.

She curls her fingers into his hair, dragging them both down to the earth, pushing at him as she kisses and nips his bottom lip until he’s on the dirt and she’s on his lap, skirts bunched at her knees.

“Te quiero tan malo,” Maria mutters against his mouth, fingers plucking at the ties of his shirt.

“Yo también te quiero,” he gasps, as he tugs his shirt off and tosses it aside hurriedly to put his mouth to her again.

He kisses lower to her breasts, pushed up enticingly by the corset she wears.

“Maria - “

He rocks up and against her, insistent.

He wants to just take her in the field now.

“Puedo - ?”

Edited 2020-09-08 15:28 (UTC)

“Yes,” she growls, her mouth moving to his chin, teeth scraping against his skin.

Her hips rock against his as she moves further down his body, mouthing at his neck and chest, her fingers dipping below the waist of his pants, seeking, needy.

“Just—si, Jasper,” Maria gasps against his skin, all of her earlier discontent channeling into her lust and desire for him.

“Si, yes, God,” he mutters, pushing her skirts up higher on her waist as he pushes her back into the long grasses.

He just wants her now, driven by her lust for him and his own.

He quickly helps her to undo his pants, pushing them down his hips, and her own undergarments are hastily removed until -

“Fuck,” he groans, thrusting into her, as he kisses her messily.

A ragged moan pushes past their kiss when he pushes into her, an exquisite stretch as he fills her.

This is easy, this she can handle.

“Fuck,” Maria gasps in agreement, tearing her mouth from his to lick and nip at his jaw, his neck. Her fingers twist into his hair as she arches up to meet him. Her words, scattered against his skin: “God, te sientes tan bien dentro de mi.”

“ - Oh, God, Maria.”

Those words of hers.

He ducks his head, pressing his forehead against hers, as his hips jerk into hers.

“Fuck.”

He grinds his hips against hers once more before he starts moving in earnest, thrusting into her hard and fast as he knows she usually likes.